The Homer Report

#1

Ok so for those of you who don’t know me I love all sports and above all else I love pulling for the home team. There’s just something about you’re team. It’s like watching your baby out there, with thousands of your baby mamas and/or daddies cheering them on with you. I’ve lived in North Carolina my whole life so I’m not sure if a true homer would pull for his new home team or his old home team, but we’ll debate that some other time. For now we’ll just say I’m a crazy big homer.

For my first article I thought I would everyone the Natural History of a Bobcats Fan:
(I won’t be to specific, this is more emotional* then factual)

It all started with the expansion draft, I thought we did very well getting Gerald Wallace and trading for the #2 pick for the Clippers. You know the team wasn’t going to be good, but Bernie Bickerstaff (I miss him so much) was making all the right moves and you just knew we were going to be moving in the right direction.

2004: Its draft night and I was watching. I’m not sure about Bernie, but I know all the fans including me wanted Dwight Howard. I just knew Emeka Okafor was the second coming of Alonzo Mouring, but he was already an old man we wanted someone who could grow with the team. Well the Magic took Howard and the rest is history. By the way I thought Bernard Robinson was a good 2nd round pick. The season was fine, we played hard if not good.

2005: How screwed did we get in the lottery, we should have had the at least the 3rd pick, that’s all we needed we would be a real team now just the 3rd pick, so unfair. Well we could have fixed the broken system and traded up to the 3rd pick, but we would have had to give up the 5th and 13th pick and with a team with a lot of holes it seemed like to much to give up. Well hindsight is 20/20 we got screwed out of Chris Paul who we would have taken at 3 and ended up with Raymond Felton at 5. At least we ended up getting Sean May with the 13th pick what a great consolation prize for getting screwed out of Chris Paul. So just stupid dumb luck kept us from sporting a team anchored by Dwight Howard and Chris Paul. I’ve never really gotten over that we could have the most dominate team in the NBA for the next 10 yrs. This season also not good, but at least we found out that Gerald Wallace was going to be a player this season.

2006: Yeah thanks a bunch for giving us the 3rd pick this year only a year too late. Now again don’t get me wrong I really liked Adam Morrison I still think he can be a player. You know who else I like who just so happens to play the very same spot, GERALD FREAKEN WALLACE! Man I thought Brandon Roy was in the bag, we had Felton playing a lot of sg and Roy was the perfect guy for us. Did I mention we got Michael Jordan making the decisions this yr. Man I was so excited this was a conversation I had with myself, “We got MJ alright. Wait didn’t he screw Washington over pretty bad. Well he wouldn’t do that to us would he, I mean this is his home team after all.” Man I hate MJ, so bad. Our best season yet. Sean May teases us with some good games so we think maybe he’ll be good if he can get in shape (and that’s still a big if).

2007: Have I said that I hate MJ yet, oh I have well it bears repeating. 8th pick this yr. At first I was all for Corey Brewer, but then I actually saw him play basketball (Like I’m watching SEC basketball during the season) and I decided he’s no good. So as ugly as he is and I just don’t trust ugly basketball players I started to get very comfortable with drafting Joakim Noah. This year I’m watching the game at my friend Cody’s house he played college ball and is the only guy I know who loves the NBA as much as I do. The draft starts the way we think it would nobody really makes a bad pick (except maybe Memphis taking Conley at 4), but somehow Brandan Wright fell all the way down to us at 8. HOMER PICK! HOMER PICK! HOMER PICK! I can’t believe we got Brandan Wright me and Cody are so excited maybe MJ not and idiot after all. Oh but if only that were true. Jason Richardson for Brandan Wright is not a bad trade we did get the better of the two, but it was just the wrong trade at the wrong time. Plus J Rich isn’t a homer pick. One note on this I really liked Jermareo Davidson upside, why would you get ride of him when your weakest spot is pf. I don’t blame Sam Vincent everybody has there thing and his just isn’t coaching. Then to make matters worse we make a trade for Nazr Mohammed and his 6mil dollar contract. Not the greatest season to watch and we’re not looking like we have a strong future.

2008: Again I watch the draft at my friend Cody’s house. Brook Lopez is in the bag not even MJ can screw this up. We got Larry Brown. HOMER COACH! HOMER COACH! HOMER COACH! So I’m feeling pretty good about this season; this is our season. 9th pick rolls around I’m already trying to come up with a nick name for Brook Lopez and thinking of a reality show with him and his bother and then they really hit us, “With the 9th pick the Charlotte Bobcats select D.J. Augustin.” Alright! Brook Lopez with be just the center we need for the next 10 years. Wait! Wait, wait, wait! What did he say. Why would you take DJ when you already have Ray. I hate you MJ. You want get away with this! I really hate you some much right now! Well to be fair I was already a little mad at MJ for trading a future 1st round pick for Denver’s 20th pick. So the whole rest of the draft I’m praying Roy Hibbert doesn’t fall to 20 cause I’m afraid we will take him and I don’t think he has a bright future in the NBA. So when he gets taken at # 17 I couldn’t be happier and another thing is happening Darrell Arthur is still on the board. So I ask Cody what’s better Augustin and Arthur or Lopez and Mario Chalmers and we agree that Jerryd Bayless and Arthur would be great, but we don’t want to ask for to much form MJ. With that said Ausustin and Arthur aren’t sounding to bad. So I’m starting to feel good maybe MJ did something right for once. It’s our pick and Darrell Arthur is still on the board. Me and Cody are so excited we almost can’t stand it with a legit coach in Brown PF in Arthur and backup PG in Augustin we have a real chance to make the playoffs this year. “With the 20th pick the Charlotte Bobcats select Alexis Ajinca.” I’m so done with MJ. He will never be good at this hopefully he will realize this before he completely destroys this team. Well so far we’ve played just about as bad I thought we would this season. Maybe we can play just good enough to get a bad draft pick, but we’re not making the playoffs this year and you and put that in the book.


P.S. I hate MJ. Here’s what the Bobcats would look like if Jordan didn’t screw us over.
C Emeka Okafor
PF Brandan Wright
SF Gerald Wallace
SG Brandon Roy
PG Raymond Felton

P.P.S. I hate MJ and the lottery. Here’s what we could look like if we hadn’t been screwed over by MJ and the lottery.
C Dwight Howard
PF Brandan Wright
SF Gerald Wallace
SG Brandon Roy
PG Chris Paul





* Don’t worry that’s the only time I’ll ever say the word emotional